How To Get Fat!

So much emphasis these days is placed on the best way to boost the metabolism, gain lean muscle, and avoid fat storage. But what if you wanted the opposite? I’d like to give you some key rules to follow for expanding your waistline. Of course, if you actually want to lose weight, burn fat, and increase the amount of calories that you burn every day, you’ll want to break every single one of these rules!

Rule 1: Don’t Strength Train

Unlike cardio, which can actually cause your body to burn up muscle, strength training builds lean muscle. For every fiber of lean muscle that you put into your body, you burn a few extra calories. Furthermore, a metabolism boosting weight training workout keeps you burning extra calories for hours afterwards. So if you want to decrease your body’s ability to replace fat with calorie-burning lean muscle, stay away from the weights and do long and slow cardio sessions only!

Rule 2: Exercise 3x A Week

There are 7 days in a week. If you do at least a little bit every one of these days, your exercise frequency and consistency will go up. You’ll actually lose weight quicker by working out every day – even if it just means 20 minutes of morning calisthenics – than if you do a long workout 3x a week, and rest on your off days. So avoid working out every day if you really want to gain weight and build fat stores.

Rule 3: Don’t Eat

Eating is one of the best ways to lose weight. But a severely restricted caloric intake actually slows the metabolism, resulting in a rapid weight gain, and an especially rapid fat storage. On the other hand, eating small and frequent meals every 2-4 hours speeds up to the metabolism and keeps you burning fat all day long. So if you want to gain weight, restrict calories and put yourself on a diet that constantly keeps you hungry.

Rule 4: Keep It Sweet

Sugar is a great trigger for fat storage. Not only do sugary foods and quick digesting carbohydrates (white flour and bread, Powerbars, Gatorade, etc.) cause release of fat storage hormones, but they also make you hungry for even more! Healthy fats and lean proteins have the opposite effect – stabilizing blood sugar and keeping you satisfied for a longer period of time. So make sure to keep it sweet if you want to gain weight!

Rule 5: Skip Breakfast

To expand your waistline, run out the door to work or school with half a bagel or a cup of coffee. You’ll be able to watch the fat pile on from the increased stress levels and body starvation fat-storage mode. People who eat a healthy, complex, and wholesome breakfast stay skinny, kick-start their metabolism at the beginning of the day, and have higher energy and productivity levels. You don’t want that, do you?

Rule 6: Never Eat Spicy Foods

The hot peppers in spicy foods have been suggested as metabolism boosters, while the type of ethnic foods that contain hot ingredients include Thai, Chinese, and Japanese cuisine, much of which can be low in fat and high in fruit, vegetable, or lean protein content. Blander foods often require excess levels of butter, creamy dressing, or gravy – all great ways to gain weight!

Rule 7: Stay Away From Tea

Look at all those skinny tea drinkers. Green tea can stimulate the metabolism, and actually keeps you wide awake and alert even more than coffee, with fewer dependency side effects. On the other side, a can or two of Diet Coke a day will increase your appetite and keep you hungry – a great way to put on fat.

Rule 8: Don’t Drink Water

Your body uses water to burn fat. If you let yourself become even slightly dehydrated, you can depress your metabolism, and gain up to a few pounds a month. Ice cold water has even been suggested as a way to make your body burn a few extra calories to maintain a warm temperature. Lean-body water-drinkers should decrease body weight in half, then try to drink that many ounces of water per day. But if you want to get fat, try to drink just a couple glasses day.

Rule 9: Don’t Ask Advice

A certified fitness professional constantly reviews the latest exercise research, nutritional products, and fitness tools to determine the best way to achieve and maintain fitness. Practical, hands-on advice is invaluable – and can be as customized as possible. However, for a barely adequate program that isn’t personalized to your body, just search for “fast ways to lose weight” on the internet. That should work.

Rule 10: Stay Up Late and Get Up Early

Research has shown that lack of sleep not only increases stress hormone production, but also leads to weight gain. Recovery and building of lean muscle actually occurs while you sleep, whereas too little sleep causes production of cortisol, a metabolism-slowing hormone! So for a lack of lean muscle and a fat-storage prone body, make sure to burn the candle at both ends.

You now have all the information you need if your goal is to gain weight and increase fat stores. You also know what it takes to do the opposite. A personal trainer is a great way to get exactly what you need for a fitness program, including motivation and encouragement. Set-up your own customized personal training program today by shopping for fitness at!

Until then, train smart!

Ben Greenfield


One Response to “How To Get Fat!”

  1. Jaime January 6, 2017 at 10:57 pm #

    This is really bad advice for gaining fat. It’ll work, of course–exceptionally well–but it’s terribly unhealthy. While deliberately inducing obesity is inherently unhealthy, there are plenty of methods much better for mitigating the resulting health decline without compromising results than what you propose here.

    REAL tips to gainfat, the (relatively) healthy way:

    1. Eat as many full sized meals throughout the day as you can comfortably handle. Exceeding this threshold is inadvisable for long term digestive health.

    2. Comprise said meals mostly of unsaturated fats and simple, unrefined carbohydrates, with a side of minimal (but adequate) protein and fiber. On the matter of natural sources of unsaturated fat and simple carbs, I recommend fresh dairy, whole grains, fruit, and nuts.

    3. Avoid saturated fats, complex carbs, cholesterol, preservatives, pesticides, artificial additives, and excessive sugar or sodium. You’re trying to get chubby, not kill yourself.

    4. Drink water with every meal. Although it will reduce your appetite, it’s more important to stay hydrated than it is to push your rate of fat gain to your physiological limit.

    5. Do light exercise no more nor less than 30 minutes a day. Any more exercise is a waste of important net calories that could be put to better use expanding your tummy, but any less exercise is heart failure waiting to happen.

    6. Sleep 10 to 12 hours a day. Getting extra sleep is a great way to kill two birds with one stone: you maximize fat gain by revving up digestion and cutting calorie burn in the rest of the body, and at the same time, you give your system ample time to recover from the unfortunately inevitable strain your growing extra weight will put on it.

    7. Chocolate is good for your heart, your soul, and the continued growth of your waistline. Indulge. It contains oxytocin, which will heighten your parental instincts and your capacity to empathize and form attachments–some of the few positive traits our culture traditionally attributes to being fat. It’s also an antioxidant–hence the “good for your heart” comment.

    8. Don’t be ashamed of what you truly want. Gaining fat is inherently unhealthy, but if you understand the risk and inevitable loss associated and still feel it’s important to you, well, you alone have the authority to make that call. Don’t let anyone tell you what you’re doing is disgusting or wrong. It’s your body you’re changing, your life you’re affecting, and your own notion of beauty you’re aspiring to.

Leave a Reply